how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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