when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
