Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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