i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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