Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
