and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
