i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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