Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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