I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
