He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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