idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
