meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
