I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Porn is love you can see.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
