im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
