so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
