Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
