My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
