Small penises have feelings too.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
