Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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