I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
