hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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