Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
