she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
