I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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