I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
someone owes me an orgasm
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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