you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
