what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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