Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
