R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
