If i come over, it means nothing
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
