I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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