my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
