my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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