Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
