I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
