He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
