I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
