Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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