dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just saw a hot homeless man
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
