I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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