there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
