i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
