guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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