woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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