I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
