..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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