my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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