Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It's just like the Real World with babies
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
