so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Someone shattered a urinal.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
