U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
