if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
