Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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